I don't know how to proceed with name

I don't know how to do this. I need help so this is a turd thst is soo gogood.  It's an episode of my life, if i could print this and read it before or after the video it'd be a good blog.  I already have to intro for in to be a video on my YouTube channel.

I just am not proud of ANY of it now.  I am tied after my fine hour full day after my fine hour good sleep.

[Video start: "hi(gh) vibrrz"]

Rap: "I am Mindy.  Mindy is not easy to digest.  If i were I'd be eaten up by now i guess."

[Roll playing video i am ashamed of now]

[Episode]

Im not good at naming things.  I played today & I'm really happy for that fact.  Really proud.  This is a huge accomplishment for me & it took hours of silence. 

 Mindy fact: can't deal with silence so tv always on, music triggers & also encourages movement, but Mindy also can't handle picking what to listen to cuz that's too big of a choice & too hard of a choice. 

So, i was sooo happy that i wanted to save my place & just get on record that i am still capable of play.  I forget that I'm too tired & think that I'm just good as dead & gone...yes because i cannot play with toys.

But, big shiny *BUTT* the truth is that my help person left me & without them i am all used up, brain energy wise, from taking care of the things that need doing.  And without someone here irl to talk to i have to kinda rediscover how to speak & be myself.

At the start of playing with legos i almost downgraded my activity.  As i sat and took the intended instruction set apart i was so full of judgement. So full you guiz!

I thought how pathetic this is.  I used to be able to build amazing things and when i would stop comparing myself to others, and how they might be doing better or worse than me, i was just shifting that focus of judgement to myself & doing this completely useless thing of  ... Remembering how i was & who i was & how capable i was before i was brain damaged & physically ill.  

Altogether now, [eyeroll]

Completely useless right?!  I know.  And it was only by putting my ahttention on the blocks in my hands & releasing egoic attachments was i able to set my inntention in a proper frame & follow through with creation.

What do you think my intention was?  

What would yours be?

Build etwas good? Yeah.

Build etwas that would impress?  Oh well it's not about that, but i used to want to build to make my parents proud of me; specifically my dad. 

Gotta phwew, let that go. No one here to make proud cept me.  And if i don't give up on me if anger or frustration or depression then I'll be proud.  In other words if i can be patient then i will be proud.  But ive already been QUIET so i am yes oh so proud of me already.

That was a bunch of thought stuff for framing intention huh?  

Phwew.  But i think a frame of patience with only myself & no one to impress cuz i already love who i am today & am proud of it.... This is skill building no matter what happens with the Legos. Well that's gonna make a good smooth canvas.

I crunched that mantis all up & looking at those same pieces, through the lens of patience & perseverance & self love, i saw things differently & when that thought popped up of  brown being ugly (cuz it shore does yo i live in a pastel dreamworld) i easily countered with "there are things that are brown that i like, like treeeeees"

I was great at telemarketing lemme tell ya.  The first rule of selling things over the phone is to not accept any excuses.  That means you have rebuttal bullets in the chamber & like battling any enemy you just shoot till the line is dead.  Easy & fun job to have.

As it so happens the skill of recognizing patterns of unwelcome negativity transfers beautifully to reprogramming your own mind.   IE: functioning with mental illness

Mental illness gives you all kinds of excuses.  But if what you want is peace of mind and happiness you have to learn to recognize the patterns.  Journaling helps with this lots. If you meditate or stew then you'll hear really similar phrases.  And theys just as empty and meaningless as those strangers over the phone words were to me. 

Learn to recognize the excuses & get ready for em.  Make a script and role play with someone else.  By roleplaying you will hear new excuses & learn new responses to old excuses.

This is no different than insult sword fighting on melee island, my friends.  

I feel like a teacher going to waste over here, I swear.

Ultimately your goal is just to be happy in the present & you take out every one of those enemies who tries to take you out of your flow.  (Hosh ja enter the ninja)

Learn to protect yourself from yourself.  Don't let you keep you from being happy in the moment. 

I was so happy in the moment.  After the fact all this happened.  And i dont know whether anyone can help me write a book or a better script or make a video, so don't know if there's any point in saving this hard won nugget of wisdom.  I'd do so only in hope that i could run it thru & make it more palatable, easier to digest.

[Video start: "hi(gh) vibrrz"]

Rap: "I am Mindy.  Mindy is not easy to digest.  If i were I'd be eaten up by now i guess. Mindy mindy mindy "on repeat til fade out

My Town is Lit

There's a ton of things to do around here.  With minimal extra income life can be very fulfilling.  Tomorrow night this means a nearby park will be lit up with enchanting Halloween decor, offering free candy and entertainment.  That's right! Livin that Animal Crossing IRL.  I'm gonna put my costume on & live.  

I honestly want to wear my costume all day, but might not be able to get a ride to the wheel chair store or the disabled person apartment complex after all.

I'm SO done with this Cinderella situation.  My power chair got left in the back of the head on one of the biggest days.... because assist with taking it in for me was "too much" hassel.  The battery swelled up all big from the heat & stopped working at all.  

It was hours of labor, all free, before a nice guy at the mobility center pried battery out & pointed me to a place to get batteries the cheapest. 

It's been working ever since.... but the caveat is that it doesn't accurately report that it's battery is low and it doesn't run for more than hour after being unplugged from the wall.  Seriously, this means that it has all the bars lit up right up until it slows to a crawl. Maybe right before crossing the intersection? Sure, harrowing situations make life exciting right.  Maybe halfway home from the apartment office & I have to push it the rest of the way.  So fun!  Mcds & dollar tree let me charge it, but not going lobby for some reason. And there's no way to know. The bars just go dark til there's one red one & I literally make it home with one res light, by the skin of my teeth.

I need a new chair so bad.  But Im worried about finding one that isn't painful and can be lifted into and out of the hearse.  

But, I clearly get by with what I have now.  Otherwise I dont think the shopping for a chair would have been neglected for 8 months.  Do *you* want to beg someone to do a chore in addition to being a chore for the chore of going places with you!?!??

Me neither.

This weekend there's a free screening of Little Monsters at the retro arcade/bar/movie theater

  I totally won't go.  But I could.  

And there are so many edm shows & fashion shows and conventions here.  

I spend money on toys because I can't make it to these events with good vibes.  Lol being chronically ill makes ya such a homebody.

I probably won't get to, but I want to have a Halloween party with my Monster High dolls.  I cant even decide who to bring to the park event tomorrow, so that will mean Elektra most likely.  She has the cutest outfit on 😘 its the pink and orange lalaoopsie doll dress (such a dollightfull discovery that their clothes transfer to bratz with relative success)  and cuz its sissy short on her, and cuz function meets fashion, Elektra put on skinny blue jeans with a dark wash and putple and orange flowers painted up from the cuffs. She's really excited to be wear in ng the cow shoes! First time.  Its such a look. 

I have a special bag i need to locate so I have a doll with me if I need her and safely out of the way if I don't.

More and more I find myself able to do things without selecting a doll & even go out without one at all.  Gasp i know.

I'll do my best to take pictures to share the magical Halloweenie fun with everyone stuck with no plans.  

I wish you could all come to a halloween party i planned.  

Wish me sleep. I havent gotten any & I do not want to be unable to attend the forresty fun because i was too psyched about getting to go to get any sleep.  Thats just silly. That cant happen.  (It does. I just mean i wish it doesnt)

Animal Crossing Pocket Cult Furniture in a Minute

This is a list of all the furniture items (I've unlocked at level 70)  that take one minute to craft.

Milk

Tree stump

Cabana armchair

Hedge

Log fence

Succulent plant

Detour arrow

Traffic cone

Sawhorse

Grapefruit table

Egg clock

Creepy skeleton

Wash basin

Tea vase

Blue vase

Bamboo bench

Bamboo fence

Zen desk

Wood plank table

Large tea table

Sleigh

Fireworks table

File cabinet (M)

Office chair

Office phone

Time clock

Accordion screen

Bamboo tree

Candle

Chocolate cake

Steamed lobster

Low screen

Paella

Rope partition

Picnic basket

Swinging bench

Turkey

Worktable

Aloe

Bromeliaceae

Corn plant

Dracaena

Pachira

Standing spotlight

Ranch bookcase

Ranch couch

Ranch armchair

Ranch tea table

Kiwi stool

Giant dharma

Azalea stool

Hammock

Green Lamp

Electric guitar

Zen cushion

Zen tea set

Cabin chair

Cabin armchair

Lovely love seat

Lovely armoire

Lovely lamp

Lovely table

Modern sofa

Modern wardrobe

Modern lamp

Modern table

Museum chair

Modern wood lamp

Cardboard box

Ivy partition

Fish on a board

Pipe stool

Fancy tea set

Cup of mint tea

Sleek lamp

Sleek sideboard

Simple love seat

Robo chair

Robo lamp

Cabana vanity

Alpine lamp

Alpine low table

Casual display stand

Minimalist vanity

Minimalist lamp

Minimalist ottoman

Stripe sofa

Stripe closet

Stripe lamp

Stripe table

Heart rug

Soccer field rug

Round red rug

Ornate rug

Green rug

Tatami rug

Tartan rug

Red rug

Alpine rug

Geometric rug

And that's it for now.  As I unlock more items I'll update the list.  Some surprisingly desirable items made this list.

Halloween 2015

I had a migraine, so that was bummy. But I began my day with scrambleed eggs & ghost toast. Helped Lily pick an outfit to go out with her dad as he shopped for a last minute costume. I watched MLP & it was a Fluttershy ep & very cute. My migraine let up for two hours & I made my amazing cheesy quinoa coffin bake, which was so fun. Last minute genius! I lit my punkins & watched Halloweenie movies & TV and it was chill and actually a pretty good Halloween.

October Fun with Sean

 We went to tru for fun & to the comic book store for Zim & Jem & he tried the new book by Saga dude, but didn't like. It was a nice day, so we went to the park to play & read our comics. Both of us celebrated our birthday by eating sushi & I gave him his birthday presents. A ceramic octopus & magnets I made out of scented pizza stickers and the card that came with his Flam blind bag pony. He keeps forgetting my prezzy, but it's a shirt; I know that.

  
We went to Run the Jewels together with a couple other guys. One of them, one of my favorite peoples: Cool Times Richard! Sean got me a cider & we worked our way pretty close to the front. Richard was uber wonderful and supportive, putting a hand on me so we didn't lose track of one another as the crowd shifted. I'd have liked to hang out with him after the show, but Sean was tired & he was my ride. Sean saw me to my door & hugged me four times before leaving. We just kept hangin round chattin bout stuff & baskin in that show glow.

    

I hung out with him at Blue Sky for the first time ever this month. It was amazing(he's really good at his job) & suddenly I was able to add the location and environment to the stories he's been telling me for years. I'd planned on just sayin hi & taking a cab home; I wasn't there to bum a ride. But he wanted me to stay. He took me out to eat for my first taste of Thai food. Amazingly flavorful food. I loved it. 

We picked out pumpkins from whole foods, loaded up on beverages & snacks, then went back to his parents house to carve em. I can't remember the last time I was so proud of my carving skills. Afterward we listened to music and he scratched. He was like, make a beat & I feel lucky that when I touch the turntable I make a sound.


 

I saw Sean a lot this month. Like a lot! =] He's fun to be with.