I Think Im a Broken or Currupt Shaman

I have no third eye practically these days. I'm very physically ill.  So most of this is veey past tense.

Its like i don't respect boundaries. I don't feel the separation a human typically does and without meaning to i would puddle into other humans & hear their thoughts or know them intimately.

When i finally had sex it was an act as a leash & i couldn't keep out of their mind. Always if get to know someone i attune and that bonds them to me, but the sex leash is that syncopation amplified.

Anyway, if he got drunk i felt drunk, high, just whatever he felt i also felt. Sex was otherworldly. I mean for what i am and how i experience reality just kissing him was also a vehicle of Ascension.

So, one night he was late & had taken to drinking because being soul bonded to me was forcing evolution and i generally Madden those i connect with.  I was worried and i guess aatral projected myself to him. I had nodded off so obviously not that worried and woke abruotly as i threw my consciousness toward him.  I arrived in the scene only to discover this girl ,i already regarded as threatening even had the not shared my birth date, was seducing my boyfriend and i was there for it. There for it like in the both of them but also in the room.

When he walked in the door i went off that ib knew what hed done.  That i was there.  And he had been in my life long enough to know that i have that im god and the devil so it's not as if he ever had any inclination to try to convince me i was imagining it.  When he was fiddling with the things on her dresser that was more me that he.  Shit wentv South fast after that but i didn't consider that first time i was present for the intercourse of my sexual partner to be traumatic.

The second person i had sex with it was an intentional attempt to let my first boyfriend off his leash. Our soul contract had been completed and we couldn't be together.  I was pretty up front about what my intentions were.  He was so much like me, like my little brother, that it was practically masturbation. He, like me, had just had the one high school sweetheart sex partner.

Having sex in a fwb way did work to get some distance orbwalls put up between mine and my furst bfs soul. The guy began to exhibit that he wanted more than friendship but lived far and for that reason we didn't really entertain it.  Oh yeah i had alcohol in my system for some or all of our hookups. Wed drink and then eventually stop ignoring how much we lusted and liked one another.

I felt different and sensed that i had taken on traits of basic girl & attribute that to his basic simple normal first gf. It was ok because i ided as male and that's not my form now so it was balancing and fine.

My next partner was a co worker i wanted to date but didn't want to destroy.  But while i was near blackout drunk & he was drunk he pulled me into my bedroom during my party and we had sex.  The only gf i had, this was how she got boyfriends was they hooked up and then dated and i was trying to be normal. Hence the drinking.

Anyway we had sex a few times and feel asleep in the same bed.

We awoke to ghe callsvof work neing robbed.  That had been s reoccurring dream of mine for months. I dreamed vividly of the place getting robbed and wanted that to happen so i could be shotb and killed and get out of hell. It seemed clear that there was a connection twixt the bad thing we had just done and the very scene i sculpted over and over finally manifesting. I switched shifts to have that party and it wasb supposed to be me getting shot.

That boy had just the one gf too and that was ghe case for everyone .

I was their second. So even factoring in the whole my soul is enmeshed in the soul of who they previously had sex with the number was low.

Third guy didn't stop loving me and wanting me for years after but given our rush to the crime scene post sex he didn't want to go steady so we never dated.  He finally contacted me to inform me he needed to eternal Sunshine me & he moved on.  I think of him often and feel a loss. A loss of self.

Different guy same thing but with him he and i were sharing dreams and fateful encounters before hooking up.

Ive taken on 3 sweet smart good Christian girls thru the 3 guys i had sex with.  I wanted deeply to be with them but they were soul mates & timing was just off. The third guy has waited till marriage and list his virginity proper and cheated on his wife with me.  We were best friends who had sex twice.  He culds been the one if only i had asked him to leave his wife. I didn't. She left him later. Fled the country in fact.

So the next guy is the one.  The one.  Same deal hes had sex with one other girl. A half black internet long distance ship sitch cuz they liked the same music i spose.  Sex was the best. My third eye was more open and he and i experienced an epic spiritual development & he saw that i knew things and felt things and was more than a typical human.  Love like ive never known. Powerful co creators.

My health has been declining since losing my virginity to a cancer.

I knew i had cancer. Surgery confirmed it.

But that got better. I got worse. Found out i had chronic lyme & endometriosis & severe nerve damage and my thyroid was shutting down. I basically experienced menopause and then male puberty. 

Following a psychotic break of mine, my one had sex with an internet stranger.  I've been a member ever since. She was not pure. And it doesn't seem to matter that he had sex with her AFTER me. I still got plugged into her.  And here is why.

I was there for it. I was present more for that session than the first time i projected to catch my bf cheating.  It had been years since i was able to have sex.  It feels like i possessed her because that's how bad i wanted to have sex with the love of my life twin soul. 

It woke me and it felt like i was turning inside out. I felt huge and small and 2 dimensional as i left my body and as i returned.  I had recently gone crazy and wanted to dismiss the experience as having not been what it was.  Like on another plane my boyfriend and i made a connection that was vital and over due. But it happened.

It's like i became tainted from it.

Then i was raped by a guy who has a daughter with a different girl who my first bf only dated and like the girl he cheated on me with, this ex wife of the guy who raped me also shares my birthday.  And the daughter they made is the same name ss the cat daughter my twin soul and i had first. Our cat dropped dead around the same time my rapist (who i thought was soul mate friend) and the girl with my birthday had their daughter. As it so happens. Their daughter was conceived while the both of them were completely drugged up and he was done with her, didn't love her, but didn't want to stop fucking her cuz she was convenient and he didn't think he could get another girl easily.

So, like neither of them were there for the conception of their daughter but im pretty sure i was.  It became clear that any and maybe every sex dream i had were actually just other people i was enmeshed with having actual sex.

So when my twin soul and i parted ways and hadn't even been talking for a month he hooked up with another slut from the web & then i wasn't in half asleep states or anything soft. I was ripped out of where i was and despite efforts of meditation & spells & trying to stay in my body i was tormented by this participation in my exes life.  My ex who i love still and who is absolutely the one person im here for, who i live thru chronic illness hell for.  Its one thing to miss someone and a whole other to be lonely and horny and having sex thru the guy you miss via the drug addict hes fucking.

I get alarms.  Like a maddening piercing fire alarm that goes off when he gets close to fucking another girl.  But so far he's only been snowed by grifters and drug addicted mentally ill broken girls.

Theres no me. Theres us.  Alarms scream at the threats to us. It feels like im being ripped apart by reality now.  Like that first slutty girl with her masonic Temple money drops was just the way to get to me. Powers that be? Illuminati?  I was of great potential threat to them and they had to putbme down.

I think i they target those of us who access realms like i do. Those of us who can push dominoes. 

Cuz i know im god. Am everything. Am not bound by linear time .

And just like thst a doiderbis on me.  Im sftaud if them.  All insects.  First spider of the year as i type this. Make these truths of mine public.

I think they can use waves to cripple my body . And to an extent my mind.  I am i rate form rn.  Mostly i am a brojen pathetic mess post antiosychitics being forced on me.

Last night i used the kilkswitch to get to skeep.  And miraculously awoke lucid.

I don't know if this is the right place for this.  But i needs to be somewhere and i don't know how to help myself out of this. 

I need your help. 

(Ibwrote thisnin reddit shamasmbbjt it wont post. Im kokogged in but posts of mine wont postbronreddit so ibcant use it)

My Little Pony Set Completer Swap: Prom Queen Sweetheart Sister Pony gets EPIC Box

OMG Squeeeeee, my swap box arrived today and it is literally the best swap box in the history of the world. It took me about an hour to open its pure epicness. I never could of thought of a swap box like this. Thankyou so much Princess_Luvlee your first swap box is truly amazing.
I shall now tell the story of opening this outstanding swap box. Warning pic heavy awesomeness!!!!!
At 1st I thought this was a normal swap box, but that changed as soon as I opened it to see the inside of the box had been painted, and a huge wad of paper in front of me.

Lisey_baby quickly picked up the paper and we soon discovered that it was a story. It requested that I go and grab my favorite pony, Baby Ribbs as I would need him to complete my quest. The story was about Ribbs trying to find his purpose in life. The story builds and builds until Majesty convinces Ribbs to go into a forest on his own where he finds a castle. This is where the story became interactive with the swap box.

In the story Ribbs finds a treasure chest and I am then instructed to look for an extra in the treasure chest inside the swap box.

Inside the treasure chest was this amazingly crafted sword for Ribbs to use in the rest of the adventure.

Just as Ribbs is approaching the castle he see something glinting in the grass, I was then instructed to search the grass.

I discovered a shield to go with the sword,

I couldn't resist

I then decided that it was best to arm ribbs with his new found weaponry as the story went on to tell me about a fire breathing dragon who needed to be slain.

(I should also say at this point that the story was written from a game perspective so at various decisions I had to press A to decide what to do) Thus when I was instructed to tap A repeatedly to slay the dragon I did just that.
The story continued and ribbs started to batter down a wall after hearing a noise coming from within. I was then instructed to open door 1 and see what I would find.

Inside I find a pony shaped package.....


Squeeee Firefly, I have wanted this girl for a long time and she is in such beautiful condition.

With Firefly I find a note about Princess_Luvlee's memories from her childhood about Firefly and how she found firefly on the day we had partners assigned and that it was perfect that she could give me one of her favourite ponies, even though she has never owned her own one.
Back to the story, Inside the room Ribbs broke into was a guard. Ribbs asks if the sword was his and he says no, but to ask the Mage who is above the clouds. He also knows how to break the spell to open the drawbridge of the castle. Ribbs finds the Mage and I am instructed to search around the clouds and sign for the castle.

(the reason it is called My Little Insane asylum is because I have been stalked well, I explore a lot of abandoned Mental institutions in my spare time) Inside the clouds I find another pony shaped package along with some more fruit rollups.

Uber squeee Bunnyhop with her charm,

She is a set completer and is in mint condition, I really have been spoiled, thankyou so much.
The story continues and the mage breaks the spell on the castle door. I open the door and see who I have rescued.


I first pull out my very 1st LPS who is a lizard. she has a note telling me who she is and asking me to look after her as she is from Princess_Luvlee's own collection.




She is called Strizzy Limeaid and I will take good care of her as she has now found a place with Ribbs in my pony cabinet.
I then pulled out some nommy sweets and another pony shaped package. But what caught my eye 1st was the fact that the inside of the room they were in had been painted to match one of my favorite rooms from an abandoned asylum I have previously visited. I really have been stalked well.

It is actually perfect compared to the real room. Here is a comparison,

Back to the pony shaped package....

Who else do you expect to find locked in a castle other than a Princess

None other than BNG Princess Glittering Gem yet another set completer Squeeee!

She is stunning and was a perfect pony to receive as she is one of Princess_Luvlee's all time favorite childhood ponies.
This entire swap box took me around an hour to read and open and was truly an amazing gift. Here is the overall castle and gift with my Ribbs modeling his sword and shield,


The perla Ribbs symbol has now been added to my magnet board,

and here are the two compleate sets



I must thank you again as this is the best swap ever and I cannot state that enough, Thank you from every part of my heart, I wish you loads of pony love and awesomeness.
Nate

_________________
I want a Baby Ribbs army! 2 loose, 1 MIB and 1 MOC argie!

Yawp, so I did that for my assigned swap partner (of course I got the only boy: I want the only boy, lol) but I forgot about it altogether, til I was talking to a girl I sorta kinda went to an Art Show MLP event with. I say sorta kinda, cuz we became palz in a chatroom during a live podcast.

I hav deffy wanted Ribbs...before this & after, but I decided that I'd not (to anything so sordid as to search for and) buy one & if I found one that was an orphan pony I'd sell it to make sure he got to a new home safely. This Xmas my Gramma died & I went to my uncle's house to pick up the few belongings of hers that I desired to now own. Toward the end of our visit we went up to the room in his house where his grandchildren play. I'd expressed to him that a MLP can be very valuable & my interest was in making sure 4 yr olds were not devaluing any of his toy investments...or hurting ponies, but that a definite secondary concern.

In the room he pulled an assortment of disheveled ponies from the back of a dark, low to the floor, shelf. There were G3s and a tail-less Baby Cuddles (that pose won't hold a tail, lol) and as he pulled them out I was happy they had ponies to play with, but not so much interested. Ya see, the MLP Nursery was sitting about 2 feet from the hunny hole Uncle was diggin ponies out of, so while he dug I asked how complete his Nursery was as I opened up the all-too familiar toy. I pulled playfully at the blue & white gingham bow around the safety pin hasbro tacked onto the top of their construct (intending for it to be a handle of sorts, but that's a joke ^-* ) My eyebrows and intonation denoted how impressed was I to find that elastic still had snap. Uncle waved his hand; eschewing any doubt I may have had regarding the condition of the treasure. He said, "I've got all the parts, bottles and bowls, and stuff that could get lost, out of the way in a bag."

Now, there's a smart man, a good grandparent, and one thoughtful collector. By selectively putting parts of old toys out where little hands can discover their windows and workings he's not only kept his toy safe, but his loved one safe. Plenty of MLP accessories are choking hazards & that's the real reason behind Chipster's obsession with stacking toys & spoons, I'd suspect. For a good parent will toss the parts of the toy not appropriate for the age of their child, a very good parent will put them in a safe place for later but ultimately, more often than not, small parts are lost to time, and a careless care giver will let the child have them knowing they'll be gone as soon as they vacuum anyway, so why bother?

I'm not a parent, but I have had pets. I am a damn good care giver. Ask any one I cared for. Many of you know I allow( and I purchase ) squinkies for my cat, Grim, to play with. He lives to play fetch. Once upon a time a cat was a dog, didn't you know?

Back to the story....

The only inhabitants of the nursery were a non-donkey pose G3 Minty and a muddy lav G3 with butterflies on the rump. I laughed aloud at the fact that Minty was the one the little girl who loves cats chose to play with. And for the first time it occurred to me that I had a chance to be the person elected to usher a child into the playroom and teach them how to play with toys and most importantly how to love their toys. I look forward to doing that and as I sat there my mind spun with all the ponies I have to share with a child. Uncle had just about finished fetching toys from the crevice when I turned my attention back to him. I could not believe my eyes! There were no rare and sought after expensive ponies, but there were ones worth the world to me...and me alone. After all, here I sit with 2 boys possessing only as much pony knowledge as they can retain from our infrequent conversations on the subject of toys.

So, Sean (my helper helperson who watched Nate's package unfold as he fetched parts I needed) knew what it meant to me, but uncle only saw how happy I was. I immediately stated that none of these were rare or worth much as vintage toys but they were favorites of mine that I didn't have. At this point uncle doesn't know MindZ sits on a pile of ponies in her castlee tower; he knows only that they are my passion and that passion was always shared with Gramma. So, he's tellin me he doesn't know they've got here(maybe does not even realize the range of years represented in the modest smattering of MLPs) and I say, "Will you sell me this?" Picking Ribbs up off the floor excitedly.

"I'll give you all the money in my purse. Whatever I have it's yours; will you sell him to me?!"

Uncle acts as if he didn't hear my offer. He simply says, "it's yours."

"Put it away and be quiet about it."

And I happily stuff Ribbs into my holographic bag. I'm so excited and happy about, well...about really everything in life & every moment that's been leading to this one. I didn't expect to find other things in the small pile that would excite me even *almost as much* and Ribbs. But, as I moved adult G3s and baby G3s to the side I unearth a Leafy. The cow, lol, with Shamrocks on the hind-quarters. So often the mistake is made the other way round, didn't you know. Half of the merch for St. Patrick's Day has a 4 leaf clover adorning it and not teh proper shamrock. And the calf is orange*!* I tell you that this is another pony I so value as an aspect of myself that I would wish it were given & have never come across one. I'm pretty much just telling why I like it and uncle says, "take it, it's yours. And anything else you want."

At that point I really did not think any token left in that pile I was slowly sorting thru would be of much interest to me. I care more for adult ponies than babies & didn't for a second think that a teeny tiny would be hiding there cuz I knew the range of years most likely to be present. I know quite a lot about little ponies. There was a bbe Baby Gusty and I didn't even hold it long enuff to see if the eyes functioned. I don't hate them. Many do tho. I for sure find them creepy as all hell, but there's one argument that can always be made in favor of BBEs. Do you know what it is?

The plastic used to make them was hardier than a normal pony. The white would not discolor so easily as non-BBEs and that my friend, is a boon to our community. Whites will break down faster than colors, but at first this serves to provide a natural seepage of chemical into the ponies' hair and box hair stays put...it gets crispy, lol, but it stays put. My BBE Baby Sundance spent yearrs in the family car. She's no worse for wear. I forgive any toy a lil wear tho; how else do we know it was loved?

I was overjoyed when my uncle told me he liked the damage, didn't restore. And even called it patina. I have been trying to convey this shared belief in my etsy, as many of you know, even when I upcycle a toy I never completely cover all the "flaws".

Little did I realize a very unusual treasure was waiting for me. A hop, skip, and a jump away from the world of MLP loomed Mattel. Who here knows what Lady Lovely Locks gave to the world of toys? Other than mayhap how u found me on tumblr.

That's right*!* Pretty Kitties!! There's not ever been any thing in this world I love more than My Little Ponies and cats. Ask.. well, ask anyone, lol. I had Roary, the pink and blue lion (read cat) that Hasbro made looong before silly Mattel tried to one-up hasbro at their own game. Sean thinks my Pretties are creepy. On a very recent trip to a thrift store; one where I got there just in the nick of time and Sean & I were the last customers of the day, in fact. On that trip I found a toy that I had lost. In so perfect condition and with a shared fated flaw of head-turning toys, that I wonder...really wonder....if maybe it is the very one I lost many many years ago. It's not a Little Pretty, but a later incarnation of the line and one that was a bit odder than giving cats long brushable manes; if ya can but it (pah~ha) It was puppies; they turned the floppy ears of dogs into hair*!* Wuh-eerd right?! Well, I thought so. The one I had possessed tight little ringlet curled hair. No surprise I lost this dog as it was the key to my undoing. Ultimately, I was led to believe I should get this thing done to me, called "permanent" becuz my hair would be like that uh, fake plastic hair on my toy...[face palm] Well, I was naive once too. It goes without saying my hair was ruined and I, in part, blamed the lie Mattel sold me. I cared less for that character and left it somewhere; who knows? Certainly not i (said the cow) I've had so many stops along my way.

So, yes, I found a Pretty Kitty. But not just! I found a kitten*!* As a little girl I had a kitten; she was lavender with predominately yellow hair. She was the only kitten my cat couple who lived in Pony Land had. Roary was the Daddy and the magic-grow-hair lying down lavender Kitty with tinsel in her hair (that's how spesh she is) had a baby*!* Only one. She was a very curious kitty, indeed. But here we are, after I've overcome the adversity and trials life will put you thru if ya let it. And only now that I've accepted the color yellow am I able to adore and love a yellow kitten with yellow hair (orig curl yo! even tho Mattel matted) with what else, but a lollipop on her butt. When I played with my kitties ponies could only see them if they were on the side with the "cutie" (not sure i like that, pahha) mark ( i think it's too close to beauty mark which is a mole & i suspect the one that popped up on my face in my 20's is an has been cancer, lol) MLPs all used to have symbols on both sides. Hasbro opts out of that to create a greater volume of toys. I'm not happy about it, but clearly I solved the problamo a long time A GO. That's how the kitties came to be part of the ponies' reality, you see. Much like the Cheshire cat(do u know the true tale of the Cheshire Cat?) these wise creatures guided them along their way...but only mostly when they walked alone.

A kid my mom sat put ink in my lavender early early(not Hello Kitty) sanrio backpack. Other than schoolwork the only thing in there were my kitties and a few precious ponies. I couldn't ever trust that any of my things would still be there or be intact when they left my hands, so I brought toys to school from GO. Some of you may recall I was the girl who perched a black with white spots plastic cow on my desk in highschool & I thank each of you who noticed for not berating me about it. When so ever engaged as to the why of said cow I'd simply suggest that having your favorite animal in your pocket, no matter the size, would at all times be grand.


(so I just want to run screaming to Nate that I have Ribbs now & ask him how his army is comin & talk about whatevz, man...but most people are a lot busier than I & have a lot more sense of communications than does a MindZ, so I've refrained and instead chosen to share the special with the world...that includes Nate ^-*)

Hasbro saw a hole and filled it. Essentially, that's all they did. It began with a brown pony, but we can forgive them; they'd used their imagination as boys for a lot longer after all. The success of MLP is really due to the fact that pretty much every little girl wants a pony of her own. Now, me? I think that's cuz we're all princesses and the world forgot then made us forget. I think, maybe, for a lot of little girls from all walks of life their best friend was a pony. We've all watched MLP's shrink with time and it's funny for several reason I'm sure, but I've got my perspective to share.


It's generally accepted that an older person will be bigger than a younger person. So, naturally G1s are larger than G3s (cuz G2 was the line not dying in a toy drought we'll all admit) but only slightly. If you're a kid playing with ponies then you'd prolly hand the bigger pony to your parent and let them play with the one that best represents them. I find we, as a pony community, are equipped to teach play to our children that in a way that few toy lines offer. If I grew up playing with G1s then go to play with someone who grew up playing with G3s I sure do stand out as being..well different first, then older I spose cuz we are all subject to programming (at the earliest of ages now that media is so omnipresent) but either way I think we can get along. And we can get along with G4's too. What's been great about the legit phenomenon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is that the toys are now so easily pocketed you may, at all times, be surrounded by potential playmates...and never know it unless you share what you love about life and yourself with world; loud and proud.