How the Zombie Apocalypse Begins - non fiction

I Think Im a Broken or Currupt Shaman

I have no third eye practically these days. I'm very physically ill.  So most of this is veey past tense.

Its like i don't respect boundaries. I don't feel the separation a human typically does and without meaning to i would puddle into other humans & hear their thoughts or know them intimately.

When i finally had sex it was an act as a leash & i couldn't keep out of their mind. Always if get to know someone i attune and that bonds them to me, but the sex leash is that syncopation amplified.

Anyway, if he got drunk i felt drunk, high, just whatever he felt i also felt. Sex was otherworldly. I mean for what i am and how i experience reality just kissing him was also a vehicle of Ascension.

So, one night he was late & had taken to drinking because being soul bonded to me was forcing evolution and i generally Madden those i connect with.  I was worried and i guess aatral projected myself to him. I had nodded off so obviously not that worried and woke abruotly as i threw my consciousness toward him.  I arrived in the scene only to discover this girl ,i already regarded as threatening even had the not shared my birth date, was seducing my boyfriend and i was there for it. There for it like in the both of them but also in the room.

When he walked in the door i went off that ib knew what hed done.  That i was there.  And he had been in my life long enough to know that i have that im god and the devil so it's not as if he ever had any inclination to try to convince me i was imagining it.  When he was fiddling with the things on her dresser that was more me that he.  Shit wentv South fast after that but i didn't consider that first time i was present for the intercourse of my sexual partner to be traumatic.

The second person i had sex with it was an intentional attempt to let my first boyfriend off his leash. Our soul contract had been completed and we couldn't be together.  I was pretty up front about what my intentions were.  He was so much like me, like my little brother, that it was practically masturbation. He, like me, had just had the one high school sweetheart sex partner.

Having sex in a fwb way did work to get some distance orbwalls put up between mine and my furst bfs soul. The guy began to exhibit that he wanted more than friendship but lived far and for that reason we didn't really entertain it.  Oh yeah i had alcohol in my system for some or all of our hookups. Wed drink and then eventually stop ignoring how much we lusted and liked one another.

I felt different and sensed that i had taken on traits of basic girl & attribute that to his basic simple normal first gf. It was ok because i ided as male and that's not my form now so it was balancing and fine.

My next partner was a co worker i wanted to date but didn't want to destroy.  But while i was near blackout drunk & he was drunk he pulled me into my bedroom during my party and we had sex.  The only gf i had, this was how she got boyfriends was they hooked up and then dated and i was trying to be normal. Hence the drinking.

Anyway we had sex a few times and feel asleep in the same bed.

We awoke to ghe callsvof work neing robbed.  That had been s reoccurring dream of mine for months. I dreamed vividly of the place getting robbed and wanted that to happen so i could be shotb and killed and get out of hell. It seemed clear that there was a connection twixt the bad thing we had just done and the very scene i sculpted over and over finally manifesting. I switched shifts to have that party and it wasb supposed to be me getting shot.

That boy had just the one gf too and that was ghe case for everyone .

I was their second. So even factoring in the whole my soul is enmeshed in the soul of who they previously had sex with the number was low.

Third guy didn't stop loving me and wanting me for years after but given our rush to the crime scene post sex he didn't want to go steady so we never dated.  He finally contacted me to inform me he needed to eternal Sunshine me & he moved on.  I think of him often and feel a loss. A loss of self.

Different guy same thing but with him he and i were sharing dreams and fateful encounters before hooking up.

Ive taken on 3 sweet smart good Christian girls thru the 3 guys i had sex with.  I wanted deeply to be with them but they were soul mates & timing was just off. The third guy has waited till marriage and list his virginity proper and cheated on his wife with me.  We were best friends who had sex twice.  He culds been the one if only i had asked him to leave his wife. I didn't. She left him later. Fled the country in fact.

So the next guy is the one.  The one.  Same deal hes had sex with one other girl. A half black internet long distance ship sitch cuz they liked the same music i spose.  Sex was the best. My third eye was more open and he and i experienced an epic spiritual development & he saw that i knew things and felt things and was more than a typical human.  Love like ive never known. Powerful co creators.

My health has been declining since losing my virginity to a cancer.

I knew i had cancer. Surgery confirmed it.

But that got better. I got worse. Found out i had chronic lyme & endometriosis & severe nerve damage and my thyroid was shutting down. I basically experienced menopause and then male puberty. 

Following a psychotic break of mine, my one had sex with an internet stranger.  I've been a member ever since. She was not pure. And it doesn't seem to matter that he had sex with her AFTER me. I still got plugged into her.  And here is why.

I was there for it. I was present more for that session than the first time i projected to catch my bf cheating.  It had been years since i was able to have sex.  It feels like i possessed her because that's how bad i wanted to have sex with the love of my life twin soul. 

It woke me and it felt like i was turning inside out. I felt huge and small and 2 dimensional as i left my body and as i returned.  I had recently gone crazy and wanted to dismiss the experience as having not been what it was.  Like on another plane my boyfriend and i made a connection that was vital and over due. But it happened.

It's like i became tainted from it.

Then i was raped by a guy who has a daughter with a different girl who my first bf only dated and like the girl he cheated on me with, this ex wife of the guy who raped me also shares my birthday.  And the daughter they made is the same name ss the cat daughter my twin soul and i had first. Our cat dropped dead around the same time my rapist (who i thought was soul mate friend) and the girl with my birthday had their daughter. As it so happens. Their daughter was conceived while the both of them were completely drugged up and he was done with her, didn't love her, but didn't want to stop fucking her cuz she was convenient and he didn't think he could get another girl easily.

So, like neither of them were there for the conception of their daughter but im pretty sure i was.  It became clear that any and maybe every sex dream i had were actually just other people i was enmeshed with having actual sex.

So when my twin soul and i parted ways and hadn't even been talking for a month he hooked up with another slut from the web & then i wasn't in half asleep states or anything soft. I was ripped out of where i was and despite efforts of meditation & spells & trying to stay in my body i was tormented by this participation in my exes life.  My ex who i love still and who is absolutely the one person im here for, who i live thru chronic illness hell for.  Its one thing to miss someone and a whole other to be lonely and horny and having sex thru the guy you miss via the drug addict hes fucking.

I get alarms.  Like a maddening piercing fire alarm that goes off when he gets close to fucking another girl.  But so far he's only been snowed by grifters and drug addicted mentally ill broken girls.

Theres no me. Theres us.  Alarms scream at the threats to us. It feels like im being ripped apart by reality now.  Like that first slutty girl with her masonic Temple money drops was just the way to get to me. Powers that be? Illuminati?  I was of great potential threat to them and they had to putbme down.

I think i they target those of us who access realms like i do. Those of us who can push dominoes. 

Cuz i know im god. Am everything. Am not bound by linear time .

And just like thst a doiderbis on me.  Im sftaud if them.  All insects.  First spider of the year as i type this. Make these truths of mine public.

I think they can use waves to cripple my body . And to an extent my mind.  I am i rate form rn.  Mostly i am a brojen pathetic mess post antiosychitics being forced on me.

Last night i used the kilkswitch to get to skeep.  And miraculously awoke lucid.

I don't know if this is the right place for this.  But i needs to be somewhere and i don't know how to help myself out of this. 

I need your help. 

(Ibwrote thisnin reddit shamasmbbjt it wont post. Im kokogged in but posts of mine wont postbronreddit so ibcant use it)

Picky Pocket: Not Topic

Hot topic now has an official Mattel Polly Pocket line of merchandise. and it's okay. To look at its very lovely pastels and certainly evocative of vintage Polly Pocket. The collection I think the lavender book and the pink purse are the best things and the worst things are the clothes because hot topic clothes are nowadays made very poorly married cheaply and also not with a full figure in mind. it's fine. If you're okay supporting hot topic who are infamous rip-off artist and a terrible company then how about the Polly Pocket collection by all means. I mean I have purchased clearance items from there myself. Sometimes the price is so low that that cheap shirt is worth it parentheses Lisa Frank SpongeBob shirt parentheses

but for the most part I stay away from hot topic because it's not good anymore and it should be better. And when we spend money where money isn't deserved or telling that thing that we don't really like that we liked it because all they know is that they're getting money.

but I love Polly Pocket and I have personally thought of so many ways to have a Polly Pocket fashion line that there's no way this collection could impress me in the slightest. So it doesn't. And my ideas are awesome but I don't want them to be stolen in case I actually become a famous fashion designer and I can get Mattel license Polly Pocket fashion collab out there myself yo. Sorry not sorry. People still ideas that's the internet..

but if you're like me and you love Polly Pocket and you don't want to buy this Polly Pocket merchandise then there's plenty of things on the internet already that you could purchase to show your Polly Pocket love. And in some cases they're actually much better I think then what hot topic is offering

first of all hear the Polly pockets that I loved and had as a child. I was always too afraid to lose my Polly pieces so I did you play with them outside of the house very much perhaps defeating the purpose of a portable dollhouse. But my Polly's had adventures with my mighty Max and I had a really good time being able to take my toys into any room or any trusted friends house or grandma's house and continue my adventures.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/513332121/super-cute-set-chic-kawaii-stickers?ref=shop_home_active_11&crt=1

https://www.etsy.com/listing/563758174/magical-girl-sailor-moon-x-polly-pocket?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=polly+pocket+style&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1989/Polly_s_Town_House/polly_s_town_house.html

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1989/Polly_s_Flat/polly_s_flat.html

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1991/Lulu_in_her_Seaside/lulu_in_her_seaside.html

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1991/Pullout_Playhouse/pullout_playhouse.html

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1992/Jeweled_Forest/jeweled_forest.html

http://www.onlypollypocket.com/1992/Fast_Food_Restaurant/fast_food_restaurant.html

and the following is a list of items that I found on the internet that are really cool Polly Pocket stuff so if you love vintage Polly Pocket, support other vintage Polly pocket fans and not terrible corporate hot topic

https://society6.com/product/pocket-of-pollys_print?sku=s6-6300858p4a1v45

https://www.redbubble.com/people/trashtante/works/13003498-90s-girl-best-friend?body_color=white&p=mens-graphic-t-shirt&rbs=1690f746-00e0-4ba5-8903-aa93ec278c22

https://www.redbubble.com/people/alyjones/works/33554758-90s-nostalgia-series-pocket-garden?p=contrast-tank&rbs=1690f746-00e0-4ba5-8903-aa93ec278c22&rel=carousel

https://www.truffleshuffle.co.uk/product/24819/womens-polly-pocket-playsets-white-t-shirt

https://www.truffleshuffle.co.uk/product/26051/polly-pocket-set-of-3-pairs-of-socks-in-gift-box?refSrc=24819&nosto=productpage-nosto-2

https://www.amazon.com/TruffleShuffle-Womens-White-Vintage-Pocket/dp/B0719V3Y9P

http://partyhardiy.com/blog/diy-polly-pocket-iron-on-tee

https://www.etsy.com/listing/588383745/miniature-doll-house-112-toy-for-dolls?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_a-art_and_collectibles-dolls_and_miniatures-miniatures-dollhouse_miniatures-doll_furniture&utm_custom1=_kenshoo_clickid_&utm_content=go_304499435_48303297008_196679360295_pla-316657192711_m__588383745&gclid=Cj0KCQiAg_HhBRDNARIsAGHLV51K944cRAJMij3L7UjKEL6fAuHGW6ajUqODR5XXh4Eq-NkppCKaTmwaAqjDEALw_wcB

https://www.etsy.com/listing/639906250/womens-high-waist-polly-pocket-themed?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=polly+pocket&ref=sc_gallery-1-14&plkey=3427860d65a1107f3be5d6dd20d3d339347f6b7a%3A639906250&frs=1

so many people I know are jumping all over this hot topic collab and I'm just so disappointed. And then the previous collab that we got Polly Pocket was fantastic in design and aesthetic but is lime crime which is a makeup company that I do not want to support and many others are on board with me there too. so hopefully what this does looking on the bright side finding the silver lining you know me when you live in the clouds that's how you got to be I hope that all of this attention and this hot topic endeavor being profitable goes towards there being a space in reality for an awesome Polly Pocket fashion line and accessories. to be perfectly honest the Polly Pocket playsets now or incredibly weak. And if you want a Polly Pocket experience these days from current toy I cannot recommend highly enough that you get Shopkins little secrets playsets instead. They're designed like padlocked play sets and I love that aspect of them not anybody can just pop open your playset. Plus I just love padlocks and that's something that I draw all the time anyway. I think the only gripe I have with that design is that there isn't any like key element to it and even though you have the combination I just think it would be really cool if they had a little window on the front of it for you to display a little mini Shopkins figure on the outside of the playset but that's  just an idea that I had personally because I've played with Polly pockets and imagined them so many ways for so many years.

unfortunately I gave up on it because I got sick but I think that there have been similar things where a Polly Pocket playset is modified so that it's morgoth. What my idea and my plan was was to fashion an existing Polly Pocket house style that we're not flatter really made for putting in your pocket remember. To be nightmare before Christmas playset because there were so many Disney Polly pockets and yet there was never a nightmare before Christmas playset. And I feel like that's just such a sad loss because nightmare before Christmas is such a small world nightmare Town. It could have been done in four small sets. Or just one really good set like The wizard of Oz got. but unfortunately I got sick and I let go of all of the Polly pockets that I had collected and accumulated over the years as well as mine from childhood which right now boggles my mind but I was sick in the mind and the body so that's the reason for that.

I don't have any Polly pockets now and I don't have any Shopkins polly pocket wannabe now. And that's kind of sad. I would like to repurpose a vintage Polly Pocket compact but it would have to be like so destroyed inside for me to feel good about ripping it up and using it for something else. Or am I just get a bug up my butt and do it. I obliterated a backpack club playset because I just got impatient with it on a bad mental health day. I've been trying to just strip out the playset element of it and replace it with a plush lining and just life was not good. I have a nice one I think, but the one i was tearing apart was already in really bad shape.

What compacts did you have & which were your favorite?

My favorite was the circle apartment and Tina was my fave polly character. But the forest jewel was a close second because the mushroom and squirrel were just precious!

My Pet Monster Knockoff Fakie Miniature Replica

My best boy kost his knockoff pet monster when he was a kid.  Since I havent been able to find a replacement, but just in 2018 found an image of one...i decided to make him a replica for xmas.  So much 💕  thanks to *°Bumbledaph*°for inspiring the strategy of make with pom poms.  I used every last purple pom i happened to have on hand in just the right color.  Im amazed i crafted this!

Black mirror bandersnatch playthrough 4

I'm gonna do everything like play through one except choose Thompson twins instead of now music and try to talk to Kitty.

Say Colin jumped.  She doesn't remember and Stephen says he wasn't sure it actually happened an Kitty ask if he's on something.  

Stephen is arrested in the TV newscast says that stuff even told them he witnessed call in committing suicide. 

I got to have the talk with Katie and nothing's really different so I think I'm going to make different choices.

I'll let Pearl destroy the computer and enter TOY but then go with Mom.

Yes, go with mom.  Stefan is dead in the dr office.  

Credits roll

Stefan puts in a tape while he's on the bus. It says bandersnatch demo and is just modem sounds. 

The end

Black mirror bandersnatch playthrough 3

Trying to get to talk to kitty when she comes looking for Colin

1-sugarpuffs

2-thompson twins

3-accept. Sorry mate wrong path & bad review cuz it's too short. So Colin gets all the endings.

(What if i accept again?)

4-accept

This time there's 2 tvs but one choice

To go back

5-refuse

6-no

7-no

8-phaedra

9-shout at dad

10-follow colin

11-take lsd (cuz we know it's not up to us)

12-tell Colin to jump

might have messed up all your little bite nails choice in which case of defaulted to bite nails. He resist doing that though.

13-throw pills away

14 talk bout mum

(I'm having a hard time focusing on this wug)

15 no choice in saying no to mum

16- throw tea the computer but he doesn't

17- netflix

18-tell him more

19- tell him more

20-fuck yeah

21- leap thru thebwindow

Omg new scene! "cut" & its a set that he's not scripted to jump out the window.  

Tv no choice. Who's there?

22-glyph

23-kill dad

24-chop him up

25-throw tea iver computer

No choice to go back to bury or chop

26-chop up body

27- destroy computer

No choice chopper Barre

28-chop up body

29-Throaty over thecomputer an back to chopper Barre

30-bury the body this time

31-yes itll be ready

Boss tells collin to go look into how Stephen is doing.  So it's calling at the door and not kitty. He comes in and Stevens holding a knife.  He tells calling he killed his dad. 

32-let him go

Sirens.  Stefan arrested. Colin not missing this time.  Tuckersoft still going under.  Colin says try again in the next life.  Colin is arrested for possession of controlled substances.

No choice get rabbit from Dad

33-TOY and he gets the rabbit.  

34- yes

They go on the train.  This is the ending i got the first playthru where Stefan fell asleep at the dr & dies.  

This time there's more.

No choice ; program and control. Stephen enters p a c and unlocks the box. 

35- pacs or glyph. Let's go with pacs.

His angry and confronts his dad about everything you found out in the lock box.

Stefan kills his dad on his own.  

20541 entered correctly an he rings the doctor's office and leaves a message for her saying he knows and he killed his dad and his going to kill her. (The first playthrough we didn't get this number correct. Which may be just prevented him confessing)

Sirens.  

Stefan is in prison and that's the end

Credits roll

But it's not the end. 7 is on the bus he's got a tape I missed what it said. 

It's dial up noises. 

And that's the end.

Black Mirror Bandersnatch playthrough 2

Noting differences from playthrough 1

1-frosties

2-thompson twins

3-refuse

4-no

5-no

6-phaedra 

7-throw tea over computer

TVs choices: talk bout mum or go back

8-go back

9-shout at dad

10-follow colin. Kittys hair isn't blue. still orange. Blotter still looks like a Lion

11-yes, take the acid. "It's a fucking nightmare world and it's real and we live in it."

12-Stefan jumps this time.  Four months later Bandersnatch gets a poor review review lol.

TVs choices: talk bout mum or go back

13-go back

14-Colin jumps this time.  See u around he says.  Splat.  Stefan says hes having vivid dreams.  

15-bite nails.  Again "for one" & you know the number.

16-throw pills away.  Frosties ad before doc this time. 

17-hit desk

18-pick up family photo.  The mirror breaks when he touches it and he wakes up

19-throw tea over computer.  He resists & knows I'm here.  

20-glyph.  

21-back off (no reason to kill dad cuz we dont even know he's done anything)

TVs choices: talk bout mum or go back.

22-talk about mum & it's revealed that dad took rabbit

23-no.  & that led to him nom taking late train. You were 5 years old. Mom died and he hates his dad.  He knows they've talked before. Game still crashes. 

24-pick up family photo & he hears Colin instead of dr & this time he moves thru the mirror. 

25-glyph again.  (I want to get out of murdering dad)

26-back off

TVs choices: get rabbit from dad or kill dad (lol)

27-get rabbit from dad.  It tracks that he reads the look door get key book before walking up at night and getting the key to look behind the door

28-toy or pac. Toy. Unlocked and he gets rabbit like before

29- no, dont go (we know the train crashed)

30- netflix indtead of glyph

31-try to explain

(May have missed a choice)

32-stop conversation

33-fuck yeah

34-fight her

35-karate chop dad

TV no choice: program and control

Back to lock box.  Files, photos, beta tape like before. 

Kills dad. Wakd up

36-pacs or glyph

(Hmm do i kill dad now?)

He does.  Remember to call doctor. 

Enter # 20541

He buries dad. Sirens.

Game not finished & Stef in prison

Credits roll.

That's the lamest play yet! (Of 3 so far)