Super Bowl Sunday

We had to go do laundry at the rents during super bowl. I got dolled & was so incredibly happy with the look I put together. 

 My books & stuff from the closet. I used to be an avid reader.

 Oh yeah, Sailor Moon on VHS, cuz DVDs were for rich people.

 I started painting this like 10 years ago...

 it's been this way sooo long it feels like I shouldn't mess with it

 My books.

 Aside from the unicorn on the door, it's like I was never here.

 Oh yeah, I saved some tree wallpaper from the trash too. Really glad I went thru it ALL.

 Where will I put you, pink cabinet???

 I colored this when I lived in my first apartment.

 I completely forgot I found this! More velvet art unicorns! That exact unicorn above all blank for me to color again...but how to do it better?!

Stopped at Wal Mart on the way home.

 I found this shirt & made him try it on.

 He loves it~I totes got it for him.

 New pony stuffs.

 I really like this pony!

 There are Equestria girl dolls in EVERY doll section~it's a plague of pony gurls.

 This puzzle is SUPER rad 3D yo. SUPER

 Yeep, my favorite game is the kew-T-est evz*!*

 my home

 These are soo cute, but very very tiny.

omg, i NEED that swimsuit SO bad~i'm comin back for youuuuu



I had to scrap etwas togeths, cuz I was so badass adorbz that day, but the above is a very sad day for lookbook. S seriously hurt my feelings & I was too sad to take pics. I noticed he threw away a really nice pair of tights & I had to dig thru a huge garbage bag to make sure I didn't lose anything valuable; he didn't even apologize for pitching them & when I told him I deserved one he called me super ungrateful and unappreciative.  So yeah, makeup didn't hold up well to my bawling. We made up tho & while I was all upset & worried his mom might make him throw my stuff away or do it herself I got hella busy packing. It turned out he just thot the tights were from that crappy wholesale dress site I made a videe about. They so are not from there. We got a ton of stuff packed & loaded into the hearse. It was a day with bad parts & great parts. My Sunday wasn't as super as I'd hoped, but it was good.

Shop You Should Know

 

 

 

 

Miracle Eye

Dope as fuk new & vintage fashionz, yo.

Dig mah must havz

If you had to pick ONE item?

(i pre much have the knit cardy, camo jacket , leopard fur coat)
My pick: the crushed velvet orange circle skirt~halloween erryday*!*

Half a Pair

I was watching being human & had this thing happen.

I felt funny in the head, like drugs were kicking in only i didn't take any. I saw roundish bubble like shapes in glowing white & my head hurt on the right side very badly. My speech got worse cuz my tongue got sluggish & my right ear ached like an earache.

S noticed, tho I didn't say anything, and he asked me if I was having a stroke in a blase manner. I thot it was more like a seizure, but just said, "prolly, maybe, I don't know"

I leaned back against the couch & closed my eyes. I wanted to be dying. I wanted for my nerves to be misfiring their last. But after 10 minutes or so I was fine.

I felt uneasy & unhappy, but the pain in my head and ear were gone.

I wanted to take a picture of Foster sitting on S's leg, but didn't get it & the first  snap was of him looking startled.
He asked if I'd wanted a picture of Foster, but my reply was just my observation of the photo I'd taken. I said, : I think you startled" and a stray "him" or "he" came out & S got offended right away; said, "it's always my fault" and I snapped a photo. The way he was looking at me. I was sitting too far away to see his face, but I felt like he was hating me. I'm really sensitive to energies. I was shocked & not shocked that that was how he was looking at me & wanted him to see what I see, to understand that his face gets intensely evil. I tossed the camera over to the couch.


He got up in a huff, saying fuck this and he's going to bed cuz I'm being bothersome wanting to talk about shit.

I was only asking if he *was indeed hating me in the moment* or if that's just what his tired face looks like. I thought I was reading him wrong; giving him the benefit of the doubt I had, or wanted to have. Maybe he hates me automatically when he's tired, I wondered aloud.

He hugged me in a surly way, told me to take my dirty dishes to the kitchen & went to bed. I know he can hear me crying.

I cut the dish gloves the first time I used them, so we just bought replacements. I unpackage them & try to put them on only to discover there are 2 left gloves when all I needed was a right one.

So, I'm crying about that & my storenvy being disabled by complete random error, how I can't eat pancakes or grilled cheese, my gramma being dead and I can't ask her what if was like to not see faces or anything anymore, and about how fucked up and hard and awful my life has been & is, in general, so much of the time.

I feel like that little stroke was a door opening & the only reason I didn't leave is because he was in the room with me.

But, as I'm trying to pull myself together I think of those boots I found on etsy today. I used to put mine on in a rush & bolt out the door. I'd hit the handle & pane at nearly the same time, running from hurtful people who were supposed to love me. That door held up fine to the amazement of any neighbor who happened to witness my escape, to the chagrin of my mother who wanted to add property damage to the runaway report she'd be making in a minute.

The thing is, those boots, I couldn't run in them very well or very far at all. They were the first purchase I made with money I earned working at KBToys:  they represented freedom. Not freedom from, but freedom to; to be who I am. From the moment I first put them on I was more sure of myself, secure with myself being tall and strange. They lace like a dream and I've yet to find another pair of platform boots that are as fast or faster to get on.

I left without them on one time & my mom threw away just one; the left one. It took ten years to track down a pair but it happened; they'd fit my soulmate, but not me.

As I was thinking about my day etwas occurred to me. Ya know? I didn't tell S about my find. I didn't think he'd care. I've spent hours scouring the web & drawn him pictures & when we go thrifting I've crossed my fingers hoping aloud that that day would be the day I get my boots back. But, I don't think he's been hearing me. If I told him I felt he wouldn't care enough & that would hurt me, so I just didn't bring it up. I think thats kind of revealing.

And this is on top of a day stacked with insane coincidences I've been climbing to my belfry.


psh, it's 12 monkey

One Month Down: 2014

Feb 1 2014

I woke up at 4 pm and spent this whole day organizing my craft supplies & cleaning my room *&&&* decorating my room. I love doin stuff*!* My room is srsly gonna be qt spook purf.

I’ve got plans to go do laundry tomorrow while S watches superbowl wif his dad. I am stoked to go out in the winter wonderland & created an outyfit.

Yesterday (annd Thurs) I had a lovely time hangin out with J. We watched Pony, Adventure Time, and the entire first Season of King of the Nerds. It’s really nice to have friends who like to hang out and I jus don’t have very many local friends. He gave me a curio for my room that is now completely full of craft stuff. This curio will change my life u guiz; I don’t have to go looking thru bags or cardboard boxes anymore. Deffy gonna speed up my process.

*!*This year is shapin up to be fab*!*

~*luv*&*lyt*yo*!*~

This Day has been Brought to You by the Letter: M...and the Number: 11

Hi guys ^-^
As you may or may not know, I had my first appointment today, after a *years* long hiatus, with my doctor & I was hella nervous about it. Not that there's really anything whatsoever to be fearful about; I just start having conversations with people long before I'm in the room with them. It causes me to not know what I've actually said vs what I've (in a way) rehearsed....which means important stuff can fall by the wayside.

You wonderful, supportive sweetie-hearts, who let me know you were right there with me in spirit, srsly made an ~*enormous*~ difference. Just knowing that you're out there wishing me well and hoping for the best helps me to relax and allow things to go. Someone suggested I try to turn the icky anxiety feels into hapZ excited feels, so I was trying to do that all night long. I certainly feel that I don't deserve to have bad/ dissapointing experiences and I can be more confident when I don't feel so alone.

Last night was...um. rough; spasms kept me awake and alert & my mind wandered down some dark alleys. SO! I got no sleep prior to le appointment, despite my every efforts. By the time I got to the office waiting room I wass totes overhwelmed & just filling out the paperwoek was a redick big strain. But, ya know, I also hadn't had a conversation with anyone for many hours & exchange is *SO* the wind-up key in my back.

By the time I went over all the notes on my itenaray with the nurse I was goin strong (way tronger from lack o sleep) and I'm so proud to say I met my doctor with light in my eyes & love in my heart. I sincerely don't think I could have done it without so many friends and follows haunting my heart.

Super Fantastic Appointment Mission~!~stage clear~!~
*!*BONUS*!* found a piece of cracked porcelain that may hold secrets of its own*!*

He asked me what the most concerning issues are, which stumped me for a bit & got us to talking. The eye-pain headaches, pee probs, and what seems to be worsening nerve damage (despite the fact I've taken ubiquinol for years) connected in a new way for him, seeing as how he'd just been acquiring information about long lasting harmful effects frommmm.....M-old. He asks me to think back and see if I can recall a time I was exposed to any & OMFG, yuh! My first apartment flooded horribly & I had to stay in that moldy damn damp place for weeks; I ended up getting a different apartment after writing a strongly worded letter to management in which I threatened to get litigious up in dis bizz. WIth my lengthy histry of lung malfunction that did the trick. Of course that was weeks I was with mold. *HE* tells me that people who went down to help after hurricane Katrina were infected within hours and continue to suffer to this day from friggin fraggn MOLD.

Let's all just send our deepest gratuitous feels to those who choose to take noble action, but esp those who did react negatively to the mold; without a natural case to study we may not have ever learned about the deathly wiles of mold. (can you imagine someone tuning me in for a second, not knowing who or what the holoheck is up?! my cold blue eyes ?? omglob ...and general intensity, ahem ) Don't mind me; just broadcasting props en mass, mwah~ha~ha.

Can you buhleeeve??? there is a genetic marker*?!* [squeee] for this mold allergy*?*
ya guiz that's so badass B0MB~just omg!~~!~~YUSS~!~!~

[X] Blood tests will be run for hormone balance + lyme + mold . C4A y'all.

[X] My moles, while indeed suspect, are likely benign. Going to try freezing off the one on my face (he says has a cyst under it) for less scarring. The others aren't cyst havin so I can opt to remove & test them. I do, cuz even my lil bro had skin cancer; it's close to home.

[X] Told me why insomnia does my mind good. The body pumps adrenaline through me when I'm sleep deprived, so it's totes like just doin it like a drug. Of course, this depletes my adrenals and causes undue stress to my adrenal gland.

[X] Got the meds I need to deal with my chronic nerve pain & spasms.

Now we all know fully well why I go batshit when I need sleep.

I told him I'm not comfy & cannot afford to treat lyme all naturally like I did for all of 2012. It's legit lyk I was dying, have died, yo. But, I am thinking that if I can start from as strong a body as I can get, then I might do a round of anti-lymie meds. That's like chemo tho & nuh-uh! cannot deal mit dat shizz now.

It was fab*!* Above & beyond, above & beyond.

{squee~normous~E~hugz}

After my appointment I went to my favie M-allll & O M G, u will never guess =D
I got the last 2 hair cones in the place. i die~ woohoo  ^-^ okey, I've seriously had ongoing online searches for such things for FOUR years*!!* But that's not all~!~I got holographic stickers galore: unicorns, pizza, ufos, balloons [yeee] you have no idea how squee-key elated I am. But that's not the best part...

I spent exact-lee $11.11

You know me =p  pah ha welp

Now every one of those fuxxxin stickers will remind me of this fab day we decided was possible & all made together. It's lyk dripping with with crazy good vibes. You are ALL totes my LSD*!* hee hee hee ^-*

lemme see what the Mayan date is. That's the energy this day is manifesting with focused intentions. update: well my lah pink top is pooped & i dunno if it'll even uppy dis blog now [le sigh]

What a Winter - photo blog